I’m going to be on it! Well probably anyway – they’re going to call at 11am today and I’ve got to Skype myself in my best gear going about my business in my home, so that they can get a handle on my personality and interests.
The first problem, as you can imagine, was getting the Skype app onto my stone-age devices. The programme-makers can also use Facetime (which I don’t think I’ve got either), but they can’t Whatsapp, which is the only one I can manage.
My mobile downloaded the app OK, but it got stuck after that. I yelled upstairs for Will to sort it out, while I departed for a slap-up dinner at Prince Hall, courtesy my great mate, Richard.
I had found myself with verbal diarrhea, speaking on the phone to the programme’s assistant producer, Jane.
“What sort of person would you like to meet?” she asked.
“I don’t know – someone who’s stronger than me, and good company?” I said.
“Would it matter how tall they were? Would 70 be OK?” she said.
Aghh – they’ve got some dwarf old grandpa in mind for me.
“Well they need to weigh more than I do, which is easier now I’ve lost nearly two stone,” I replied, “but they’d have to be really really charming and nice if they were that old. Seventy-year-olds have wrinkly saggy boobs.”
I am most excited – the timing is fantastic. This is coinciding with my ‘Meet the Author’ evening and will give me the chance to bang on about the most expensive B&B on Dartmoor and, even more importantly, my non-burgeoning career as an aspiring author.
Well, now I’ve nearly finished breakfast, I’d better put on a face and find some cleanish glad rags! How terrifying! This could result in me getting publicly rejected in front of millions! Eeek!