“Ha ha – look at you!” chortled Will, as I tottered down our freezing rural staircase in nothing but my LBD, towering heels, and full make-up, at ten-thirty in the morning.

I’d dressed to impress for my Skype interview, as requested by the First Dates people, all prepared to show them moi in full evening finery, and take them on a tour of my home/B&B using the camera of my laptop.  Although I still had no idea how to work Skype.

“You have to turn it on,” Will said.

Well, blimey – at 11am on the dot my laptop juddered/rang.  It’s never done that before. I pressed a button and there I was, in a little square in the bottom right hand corner of the screen, so small that I couldn’t really see my saggy jowls and wrinkles; meanwhile a rather beautiful young girl flicking her long auburn hair, filled the rest of the screen.

I found the whole scenario most disconcerting, so much so that my verbal diarrhea dried up and I became boring.

“GO AWAY!!!” I yelled at Will a couple of times, when he popped his head through the door.

The ordeal was over after about fifty minutes.  She asked the same sort of questions that she’d asked previously.

“If we need you, might you be free in the last week of October, or the first week of November?” she queried.

“If they need me?” I thought to myself.  “Humm. That’s their get-out clause.  I was much too boring and haggard for them to want me.”  The girl hadn’t even asked to see my legs or my B&B or anything else, after all that.

“I was too boring,” I reported back to Will, glumly.

“No one else talks about enjoying swapping daily ECards with their stalker,” he replied cheerfully.

And blow me down – they’ve called back asking me to reserve the dates.  Eeeek!

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